Kenyan ladies,women uncomfortable with paternity test, men demand for it

A flurry of comments keep popping up on social media and other print media spaces of grown ups looking to know their biological dads. As much as some may talk such concerns down and question the relevance of knowing who ones’ real dad is, president Barack Obama couldn’t have been stupid to trace his roots back to a small village in Siaya, K’ogelo. But today, Kenyan women won’t see calls for paternity test as just wanting to know who the real father of a kid is. 

What would really make a process meant to check the actual father of a child such a sticky issue? This is a question that novices may ask but many Kenyan women can’t take this lying down. A simple query by a lover, husband, boyfriend or sponsor about the intention to go for a DNA test on their kids to be sure about their paternity will likely degenerate into a whole different subject.

The question we would all like to answer yet only a few may answer it without bluffing is, are Kenyans in general and women in particular ready to go the DNA way? Someone may ask why anyone would narrow down to women only. The answer is simple, the child custody laws in Kenya, nature  and culture reinforce mothers as bearers of many child nurturing roles. So, if the paternity test stands as the only stumbling block for a man to fully throw their weight behind a kid-confident of being the true biological father, any well meaning mother ought to give it away. But do they?

Calls for paternity tests in Kenya growing louder and louder among Kenyan men

As if inspired by something out of this world, many Kenyan men have mustered the boldness to ask their lovers for paternity tests on the kids. Of course how the men choose to ask for this crucial process may be something to debate about-some choosing to publicize it on social media, make allegations on celebrity Youtube channels and such.

Whatever it may be, it is open for anyone to see that no man wants to live in the assumption that having a woman for a wife, girlfriend, or lover qualifies a child born during the period as their own. Older people would be surprised at how this wave of modernity has pulled the rag from traditional ways of life where a woman would be the ultimate truth teller on who the kids’ father was. 

With flings, online dating, sugar dating, no strings attached hookups and such gaining traction among younger Kenyans, chances of a child being born during the period remain a possibility. As much as ladies who are self aware and independent would readily use contraceptives to avoid unplanned pregnancy, some don’t.

Surprisingly, even Kenyan ladies who anyone would expect to be more aware end up carrying pregnancies for men who they don’t have the slightest chance to make their husbands. You’ll hear some commenting that “huyu ni mbegu mzuri, lazima nizae na yeye.” Others just use it as a trap to get financial support, force a marriage or just shame the guy. But Kenyan men seem to be getting smarter by the day-let the science of DNA be the ultimate truth teller. 

No thank you, Many Kenyan women say to calls for paternity tests

Not so many women will sit pretty and calmly confront the request for a paternity test for what they are. We may all agree that medical technology has greatly made life more bearable. But for women, going for paternity test seems to be where the red line gets drawn. To most of them, it really doesn’t mayyer whether such calls come out as genuine or malicious.

From the face value, most Kenyan women would feel that requesting for a paternity test equals to doubting their fidelity. Even for the [eople we may assume to be more reasonable and rational don’t welcome such test with open heart. Even in relationships marred with fights, asking for paternity test may just be a fuel for further spats. We’ve seen this spilling over to the social media platforms 

Kenyan men no longer at ease

Some men may behave easy and confident that all the children claimed to be theirs really are their own. But truth be told,  deep inside lingers the silent question of “is this kid jumping around really mine? The only deterrent could be the possible kind of reception from the baby mama, wife, sugar mummy, mamaa….name it. 

A Kenyan man asking for DNA test on the kids ought not to be seen as a strange request. The way women these days get ultrasound test, nothing could be wrong with knowing the father of the kid. But as many can confirm, the situation never becomes so simple and easy to handle for many.

The saying that it’s only the mother of a kid who knows the real father has been recited many times. Actually there’s a lot of truth to this. But on the flip side, a woman knowing the real father by instinct already gives her an advantage. Logically, she needs to embrace the idea knowingw ay too well that no skeletones lie in her closet. But this advantage playing out in favor of most Kenyan women, they would still cause drama about such requests. So why this?

What clicks he minds of Kenyan women when asked for paternity tests by lovers, husbands

  • Does she doubt my fidelity in the relationship, marriage?
  • Has she caught wind of my philanderous moves?
  • What if it turns out that he isn’t the true biological father of this kid?
  • How will it come out when he realizes that all this while this hasn’t been the fruit of his loin?
  • Am I willing to lose this relationship just because of a seemingly sinister need for paternity knowledge?

But why do calls for paternity tests become so unsettling, tough cookies for Kenyan women?

It makes much more sense to analyze and figure out why the paternity test becomes so uncomfortable to Kenyan women. What scientists and other liberal thinkers may assume to be a process that simply shows heredity and parental ties has evidently become so controversial even amongst the best of us.

When Erick Omondi, Prof. Hamo and their cliques asked for paternity tests amidst domestic struggles with their lovers, it quickly became a viral thing. Women upon men argued for and against such calls for paternity with a consequence of splitting ideas. But then really why would anyone not easily want to use best proven science to qualify parentage?

We\ve come across chilling stories of children ending up marrying their blood sisters, brothers or getting laid by their biliogical fathers unawares. You know in a world where relationships have become so casual, it makes a lot of sense that children know their biological parents.

As situations may dictate, women may argue that the guy who takes care of the kid’s needs, educate and offer parental care automatically becomes the father. But isnt that too extremist of thinking? Who here wants to set aside the reality that there can ever only be one biological father in the life of a kid? If that makes sense then why not accede to a paternity test without a fight?

Surprised, unsettled, uneasy, frowned…describe Kenyan women response to DNA test on kids requests from hubby, boyfriend

On the face value, anyone may easily ignore calls for paternity test as any other need for proving biological links but not the same for a woman, lady having to face it. For most ladies, whether they accept such requests or not, the nature of the relationship changes thereafter completely. It doesn’t matter the outcome of the DNA test. One way or the other, the bonds that first binded the relationship starts to give in and finally let it crumble like a house of cards. 

Most of the women get surprised why their hubby, lover would  demand for the paternity test in the first place. The general assumption among many is that wives, ladies only get pregnant for the men they actually have a relationship with or married to. But this assumption easily falls in the current life we now live. If you know what Bensoul – Nairobi ft Sauti Sol, Nviiri the Storyteller mean, no need to explain further. 

This issue may cause disagreements between even the loyal wife and the alleged father. Aside from loyal wives and ladies,it also happens that there are some women who are not loyal in their relationships and so they try to decline the tests so the legal husbands may not discover.All these may try to hinder the alleged fathers  from finding out through the tests but they go ahead finding out because they got their reasons.

Typical issues that calls for paternity test uncovers

It’s not always that any man musters the courage and thoughts of asking out for paternity tests on kids. Yes, in cases of disputed paternity, divorce, child custody claims and such, issues of DNA on the children may easily fly. But these days, men get more emboldened to ask for DNA without having a second thought. 

When you encounter discussions and cases on paternity tests, a lot of things accompany them. The most common issues include;

Fear of women cheating , lovers in polyandry relationships

For way too long, talks and accusations of cheating in relationships, mariages have pointed towards men as the notorious ones and women as victims. But then now we have come to the critical moment of self reflection where many ask if the men cheat only with single ladies. 

Cheating in a Kenyan relationship isn’t anymore about a man not keeping faithful. The city girls and women in Kenya who consider themselves liberal minded and open minded engage in random flings. Some of the short term casual relationships that Kenyan ladies engage in result in unplanned for children whose paternity may be up for questioning. 

The lack of commitment to husbands, loneliness, revenge and lost trust explain why Kenyan women fall into the murky trap of paternity test. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love their husbands and want to divorce them.

Symbol of lost trust, indfidelity 

Women may be uncomfortable with paternity tests when it is demanded by their partners  because it’s perceived as a lack of trust. They find it hard to understand why the partners don’t trust them when they themselves know they have been loyal and they have clear information that the kid is theirs.

Fear of losing a financially stable partner

Women have always wanted the best for their kids during their entire living. So they may also at times cheat because  they want a luxurious life so they do it yet they have their legal partner but due to the financial instability  it forces them to cheat just for their kids. 

When the legal partner needs the paternity test they become uncomfortable because the bond between the non biological father and the kid was already strong. Nobody wants such strongly established bonds to break just because of a need for biological parentage. Besides, they are in love with their partners and don’t want a breakup.

Final take on Kenyan women thoughts about paternity tests

Asking for a paternity test may be as simple as it gets but the actual weight lies on it being done as well as the results. As much as Kenyan men keep being bolder to ask for DNA tests on kids, thinking of the consequences way ahead may help many who want to ask for it to get over whatever outcomes it may elicit. 

Fredrick Awino

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