Cheating spouses isn’t a new phenomenon in Kenya and in fact more cases keep coming to the limelight each passing day. Actually, a good number of formerly married but now single people bear tales of vows broken at the altar of mpango wa kando or simply put, infidelity. A lot of times, women and children have been portrayed as bearing the brunt of such fallouts but then in Kenya today, how do women deal with infidelity in marriages today?
When Bensoul in his hit song Nairobi, used musical lyrics to animate the complicated marriage and love scene in Kenya we may have loathed him. As many loved him for his lyrical genius as those that directed barbs at him in what they argued amounted to creating a Sodom and Gomorrah kind of city life. But let’s give it to him for once that in his song, he dared magnify reality in a relatively soft way. It may take different forms raging from flirting, flings, sidechicks, secret family and more where even respectable personalities aren’t sparred.
Kenyan men accused of unfaithfulness, infidelity in marriages
One enduring thing about Kenya and African societies at large is that family is revered. Although modernity fights back in a big way to make families appear a casual engagement, the sense of guilt to go back to our roots as Lucky Dube reminds us always somehow wins.
As much as society encourages and promotes respect for families, cases of infidelity have become so rampant and end up completely wrecking young families. No doubt that an average Kenyan girlfriend or wife today is educated and knows her place. Unlike the yesteryears where husbands squarely and acutely ruled over the family, almost with an iron fist, a firm NO from them today means something. So while men still choose to be in extra-marital affairs, they often have to deal with firmer wives or girlfriends should their ways come to light.
So cheating in marriages isn’t such a bad thing? Some day so
In different ways, those who claim to know better have attempted to rationalize the increasing cases of Kenyan men seeing multiple ladies while at the same time in marriage. Of course the case may not be exclusive for Kenyans but incidences of men being in the limelight for being unfaithful, infidel and irresponsible have become abnormally common.
Ideally, long gone are the years when women would wilfully hand over their younger kins to their husbands as second or third wives. Today, the thoughts of being in a polygamy setting is one a Kenyan lady would not wish to contemplate even as a bad dream. Women have been insistent on keeping one man for themselves and not minding to walk away when another lady comes into the light.
While some ladies fume in anger and struggle to deal with the feeling of broken vows, others just can’t hold it together. In fact, so many families today break apart the moment the woman comes to learn of a cheating spouse. To express their frustrations even further, some dramatic ones would only speak about their experiences on social media, maybe to explain their decisions.
Kenyan women do everything to protect their space in marriage
Some may argue that some Kenyan women act overprotective and possessive but then they have a reason for it. In a day and age when so many men shun marriage and serious commitments, any family oriented lady would wish to preserve her catch. Not so? Just ignore the loose talk in the lines of “mimi siwezishughulika na mwanaume.” If Akothee, the self proclaimed president of single mothers got her man and Governor Waiguru with all her accomplishments saw value in marriage, then you gotta know why protecting marriage has become a duty for so many women in Kenya.
Cheating among Kenyans has taken different forms with friends, workmates, schoolmates doing it in such guises that may be difficult to come out. But trust you me, in the event that the wife sniffs it out, and they know how to do it, life never continues in the same way again. Forgiving they may just to hold the family but the priceless trust once down the drain, only a rough ride remains.
Today, Kenyan women have mastered the art of dealing with their cheating spouses. While it may not be the best of strategies, a lot of the women have testified of turning their situations around. Some have been successful in keeping their marriages after dealing with their cheating spouses while those who have lost their marriages have left a lifetime lesson never to cheat again.
Mixed ways Kenyan women get back at their cheating husbands
One of the most difficult things one can ever go through is having to control a Kenyan woman. She doesn’t lay back and fails to ask questions. In the event that she realizes a foul play in the marriage and chooses to keep mum, it never means all is well. In fact, tales of men who’ve been through such points point to the fact that your wife better quarrels and be mad than coil in silence. Let’s see what the Kenyan women choose to do about cheating
She’ll go for your best friend and hit so hard
Most Kenyan ladies don’t take cheating cases lying down. They will try as much as possible to level the game and mostly make the man the ultimate loser. Some use the phrase “Kama mbaya, mbaya” to explain how some jilted Kenyan woman will do all it takes just to make sure that their cheating spouses too feel a taste of their own medicine.
If you’ve been through such a situation or know a friend who can confide in you, they will confess that they went for the friends of their hubby. Of course as an adult, being abrasive, confrontation and violent or harming the hubby would come with consequences. So they instead choose to satisfy their ego equally by hitting on the husbands friends.
The cases of women seeing hubby friends in retaliation for cheating probably explains the hullabaloo about taking DNA tests of children being born with unclear paternity. Also incidences of sexually transmitted infections among married couples in Kenya have something to do with such tragic and emotionally laden decisions.
Recruiting children into the family haters corner in response to infidelity in marriages
Today, it’s not strange to find a family not being in free talking terms. Ordinarily, families ought to be free with one another and express an exceptional warmth for each other. But when cheating creeps in, the equation is turned on its head and guns mostly get directed to the man. Often, children fall for the mother’s side of the story and the father immediately becomes a disgrace.
Many fights in the family, domestic violence, rebellious children and children adults trace back to a single case of cheating. As the mother, the woman will almost fully control the thinking of the children and win them to her corner. You may have been a witness to such ugly kind of life in families but it happens anyway.
Getting the raw evidence through phone hacking
Marriage and relationships counselors today mention that the mobile phone has scandalized so many marriages and brought them down crumbling. Infact, a good number of advisors discourage spouses from underhand maneuvers to access each other’s private phone conversations. This all in the spirit of trying to ensure the marriage stands. Inside those phones lies the time bomb that would rather remain undetonated through stalking or creeping to see.
As a simple advice, caution has to go into handling spouses’ mobile phones. Unless a culture of sharing phones has been in place as a normality, keeping off may save unecessary ulcers. But despite this often freely given advice, women would still go ahead and want to find out that whatsapp chat. They have an interest to see the romantic message or nudes which may have been sent by the other woman. Maybe in trying to find out the evidence, they may get closure. Also, some confer that seeing the chats help ovecoem some self doubt in their hearts. They will be like “wacha nine huyo dem ananishindia nini.”
Phone hacking or sneaking to see private phone chats may at best just give you what you’re looking for. The question would be what follows after getting to know it? That’s where the real trouble really starts. Ordinarily a man caught pants down will use withdrawal from the family or disgusting violence for defense.
The distasteful steel wool saga for infidelity in marriages
As a disclaimer, nobody promotes murder of any kind but then a wounded woman is a different animal. When she loves you, it’s with her everything but when tables turn to hatred, you may not like it. No wonder some of the body hurt women would rather send their spouses six feet under than imagine sharing.
Approaching a counselor, older people, church elders or family members to amicably resolve the issue should be the best route. But, some women today choose to kill. She may retreat and behave unhurt but in that silence, a cloud of dark conspiracy may be surrounding the man.
The folly of men everywhere is that they quickly forget their misdeeds provided that the spouse doesn’t keep revisiting it. As sure as the stomach remains the way to a man’s heart, the murderous women would turn it to kill. They would lace the food with steel wool particles that induce slow death in their erstwhile husbands. Indeed a woman’s desire for revenge is unquenchable and always stays in mind.
Let black magic do the vengeance
Desperate situations in the heart of a Kenyan woman often pushes them to the extremes. Believe it or not, black magic rings high in the minds of a wounded woman. Witch doctors have become a point of all for so many frustrated and infuriated women.
More often, you’ll come across posters like “dakatri kutoka kitui” stuck on city walls and electricity poles. Such public adverts promise to use black powers to resolve infidelity issues in marriages. Opinion has it that the mganga powers can manipulate the man to whatever the hurt wife wants of him.
Also, some witches have been claimed to provide means for the man to be caught red handed. Such revelations coming to light could be intended to also shame and humilaite the man. In so doing, the woman hopes to let the man undergo self reflection and correction. The humiliation alone is enough revenge to the man.
Women choosing to bear children with other men as a retaliation
As one method of serving bitter revenge, women who have cheating spouses can serve biiter revenge. So many cases are out there of women who’ve resorted to getting kids with other men other than their husbands. One of the reasons may be because the man does not “perform” as the man.
The aspect of revenge strikes in when the man realizes he has been raising another man’s kids. In all sense this will imply that you are not a real man and it will surely piss you off.